Fast forward to my thirties…….I appeared to have it all. I'd reached a level of success that was impressive to many of my peers. I'd used my skills to build relationships and sell myself as being the best candidate for jobs and promotions. At first I loved the recognition and the money that came along with smashing my goals and hitting targets.
My good job came with benefits, security and as a family we looked forward to our two holidays a year to “get away from it all”. As perfect as this all appeared, I was running on autopilot. Each day like groundhog day, an exact copy of the day before. I lived for my holidays, spending 50 weeks a year slogging away at the same desk just for 2 weeks in the sun.
There was something missing.....
I completely resented the long hours, the ever moving goalposts and the lack of autonomy to make my own decisions. At heart I am a dreamer and have a busy and creative mind. Working in a corporate environments was stifling to me.
I began having panic attacks.
As a young child I always had my head in a book. I loved the classics such as Little Women, Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. I dreamed of a life filled with adventure and thrills. Those stories took me away from the life I knew of poverty, hardship and never fitting in.
I wasn’t an unhappy child, but I did feel out of place. We left my dad when I was four years old and that started a cruel game where I was used as a pawn, mostly by my dad to get back at my mum. He taught me that I was forgettable, disposable and unimpressive.
I adored my mum, she had been through so much, a teenage pregnancy, an abusive second marriage and years of hardship since she was a child. She taught me that I was resilient, adaptable and strong.
I grew into a confident teenager, a grade A student with huge dreams and a barrow full of ambition. I just felt special and knew I was going to have an extraordinary life, the kind of life I had read about in stories.
I had always wanted to start a business of my own.
I just didn't know where to start!
What did I know about starting a business. Fast forward a few years and I'd attempted to start an events company, sold skincare and even learned to tattoo people's faces.
Not of this lit me up.
I realised with the help of a great coach that I valued FREEDOM more highly than anything else and that explained why my job made me feel so trapped.
I began researching and studying everything I could on the power of the mind. I found the answer I'd been seeking when I heard someone give a talk on hypnotherapy and something spoke to me.
I wanted to help people. I wanted to help them with their mindset and believe in themselves. I studied to become an accredited coach so that I could help more people.
I realised that I was waking up with a spring in my step. I was smiling more and laughing more. I was less angry and agitated. Still, I felt there was more I could be doing, bigger dreams to dream. The only thing stopping me was the niggling fear and self-doubt. I knew I wanted more than anything to help others and create personal freedom for myself but could this really work out? Who was I to think I could leave behind the comfort and security of the corporate world, redefine myself and create this amazing life?
So, I set about using all the new skills I had learnt to help myself. To break free of the doubt, to step into the fear that had been holding me back. Day by day I realised I had found the key to my fulfilment. Happiness means different things to different people but for me it meant purpose, freedom and giving back.
This was not the life I had imagined for myself. I had dreamed of an extraordinary life and now here I was, fast approaching my forties and leading a life I could only describe as “mediocre”.
I felt ashamed, ungrateful and selfish.
For the next few years I continued on the hamster wheel and rose up the corporate ladder. I thought that if I just got enough promotions I would eventually buy my freedom. The golden shackles only tightened further as I amassed ridiculous amounts of debt by trying to buy my way out of mediocrity. I was trapped. I didn’t know anything other than the corporate world, I didn’t have a purpose.
Now I know where I want to be and how to get there. Life isn’t about a path that leads to a final outcome that may result in fulfilment. You see, fulfilment isn’t the destination, it’s the beautiful journey where there is joy to be found in limitless supply and often in the most surprising places.
If you feel ready to start your journey and you are looking for a guide, why not book a discovery session where we can discuss how I can help you?